I wish to be more than the average folk
I want to be something greater!

Maybe President…
Nah, if Donald Trump can do it
I can do better

Maybe I will sing…
Honestly that’s not even remotely an option
No one wants to hear Ode to Death Porpoise
In case you don’t know
A death porpoise is not something you want to know
If you have experienced THE DEATH PORPOISE before
You are either mentally scarred or dead
Just dead
You die from THE DEATH PORPOISE

Maybe i will dance...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That’s a joke
I have the coordination of…
Hmmmmm I don’t know
I can’t think of a bad enough example
You get the point though
I can barely walk
Making me move with grace
Would end in a lot of BANG
And SPLAT
And injuries

Maybe i will be a comedian…
That wouldn’t work either
I would start laughing at the joke
Before i even said it
Not optimal

Maybe i will be a doctor…
(Looks at raw meat)
ALRIGHT IM GOOD
NO THANK YOU
ALL SET WITH THIS

Maybe i will be a detective…
Who am i kidding i can’t stay quiet or sit still
Me trying to creep on people’s business
Which requires both of those won’t work

Maybe i will be a police officer…
I think more criminals would die of laughter
Than people who would be saved by me

Maybe i will be exterminator…
This is just getting hopeless
I am scared of bugs

Maybe i will be a teacher…
Those kids would burn me sooooo hard
I’m an easy target for kids to make fun of
I also don’t like kids
Especially the bratty 8 year olds
Who already have cell phones
That stuff just makes me maaaaaaad

Maybe i will be…
You know what!
I’ll just be me
THE SASSY LLAMA
(epic music plays)
Sorry inside joke
But that is the solution
I will be my swaggering self
Take that haters
(Drops mic and trips off stage)
Yep, it’s already started