laughter always followed me everywhere

it had its own limbs to stand on
and i believe they were my own

ripped apart from me and stolen

because i stumbled more than most
and so maybe i had only the illusion of legs

they always did say it was all in my head

besides the laughter following me could be no less real
than that extra gravity i possessed

that which pressed itself against me
suffocating me to the brink of death

the laughter laughing goodbye
the laughter laughing alright

it’ll be okay
“ it’s just a joke ”

[ but what was so funny that i could never understand

why was i never in on it
why was everyone always together

why was i always alone

everyone laughing
and only laughing

somehow never crying
or violently, tortured-ly screaming

while i watched the ceiling
stay in place and sit still

so i could learn to copy it
and live politely silent ]