The sound of each bullet is deafening.
A    l i n g e r i n g  nightmare,
A thundering rain that will soon pass.
They’ll hug me and say they’re sorry.
But it isn’t their fault.
They lower his mahogany casket until he vanishes.
A red and blue flag is placed into my shaking hands.
    Numbness sweeps over me.
I feel nothing.
Gracefully horrifying.
This isn’t real.
Life will be normal again.
The War is almost over.
Don’t worry about me.
He’ll be home soon.
DENIAL.

Not another crumb could fit its way into the refrigerator
As if a microwavable pasta could bring back my dead husband.
Don’t they know I HATE lasagna.
How        dare         they.
Why am I the one that has to go through this ungodly misery?
Speaking of ungodly…
God.
We need to talk.
What kind of all-loving God takes away your soulmate?
What kind of God destroys your life?
Selfish. Cold-hearted. Repulsive.
You killed him.
You killed me.
ANGER

Maybe I could’ve talked him out of joining.
I should’ve begged him to stay.
I should’ve never let him go.
Did I even tell him I loved him when we last spoke?
I miss him.
I would do anything to see him for just 5 more minutes.
Please.
Just five minutes.
Please.
I’LL DO ANYTHING
Please.
I love him.
BARGAINING

A shimmer of light often flashes into my pitch black bedroom.
I want to SCREAM
They’ll tell me it’s a sign.
Move on.
In a second it’s gone, and I’m left staring into n o t h i n g n e s s.
Heartbreak pierces through my soul like the jagged stinger of a bee.
It’s the only feeling I have.
Sharp. Salient. Silence.
Nothing else exists.
Nothing but the physical agony pulsing through my veins.
An eerie quiet consumes my life.
They stopped calling.
They don’t ask how life is without the man who was my life.
DEPRESSION

I went back to work today.
It’s been 3 weeks since my life lost all composure.
I smiled today.
4 weeks.
I laughed today.
5 weeks.
I woke up and didn’t look for him today.
6 weeks.
I’M OKAY...
No, I’m not.
But, I will be.
ACCEPTANCE