some people say that they feel better when they can't feel anything at all
that's why when the numbness came they embraced it and welcomed it into their lives
like a long lost friend
they still hold it tight and carry it where ever they go because they’ve spent so much time being numb
they are scared that to feel a sliver of anything
would shatter them to pieces

I am not like these people
I hold onto to everything that makes me feel anything
because they only thing that scares me more than hurting
is not being able to feel anything at all
so I burry myself beneath the pain that makes me hurt
trying to scare the numbness away

I know the numbness is not my friend and I know
the more time I spend being numb
the more dead I will become inside
and that thought alone
scares me more
than any pain I could ever feel.

so I welcome the pain because it makes me
remember that I'm still alive
and if I'm still alive then I can still fight
so I stay awake long into the night
while the pain cursing through my body sends me
screaming into my pillow

my body is growing weary
and my soul is crying out for help
I know my efforts to keep the numbness away are beginning to crack
because I can feel it's grip tightening
around my waist and soon enough I won't feel a thing
I realize I need help

I need someone to take the numbness away
because I can't do this alone
so I scream until my throat is raw and bleeding
but it seems that no one heard my pleas
so I let go of my pain
and collapse into the hands of the numbness that I never wanted to reach me.