Sorry that I'm not like your friends

Sorry that the love that comes genuinely from me isn't enough

I'm a fool for ever thinking you could see me as anything

Sorry that I put so much effort into you 

Sorry that no matter how hard I try I still am nothing

I'm such a f***ing idiot for thinking you could actually care

Every time I think you love me it becomes shattered

You don't love me

I'm just an accessory 

You don't love me

You just use me for the happiness I give you

You use me for how much I fill your ego

I don't know why I even tried

When I knew we would never be on the same level

I knew we never would get along ever

And day by day you show it to me

I give you so much of my love, attention, and time

And you brush me off

Why?

It's because I'm not your family,

I'm not like your friends

Sorry that I choose not to use you like you're used to

Sorry that I am not stupid and infectious 

Sorry that my genuine love isn't enough

Or my gifts I give you

All my love and money spent on you means nothing

Sorry I don't want to hurt people

I don't want to change into a maggot

I don't want to be like your friends

I don't want to be brainwashed and dead

I don't want to be bullied by so called "friends"

I won't ever call you a sister or friend

If I do it won't be genuine

Dear god how I have cried over the wounds you've given me

I have tried more than anyone in your life

Even your own family

Just to be loved by you,

But you don't give a damn

Everything I offer you is useless 

All my love is meaningless

All my effort is valueless

I am nothing to you

I never will be anything to you

You only spill lies of love for the ones you love

Just to protect them

You honestly couldn't care less about me

I know I'm not perfect, and I'm certainly not a saint

But dear god have I tried to be there for you

How much hits I have taken for you

Just to be loved by you

And for it to be authentic

I know I haven't had the prettiest words come out of my mouth

But my actions have beauty beyond that

You don't love me

It's all a lie

Every single time I try you crush me or move me aside

I have killed bits of me just to be told,

"Sister, I love you"

And I don't get one or the other

I get pushed down and kicked

I get to become a disaster

So sorry

Sorry I wasted so much on you

Sorry I'm nothing for you

Sorry you loved to be used

Sorry I ever even tried

Sorry that you don't see all that I do for you

Sorry.