Tomorrow it will be a week.
A week since the date that left me in tears the moment that she left.
The night before I was finally able to say 'I love you' before she could.
She responded naturally with 'I love you too.'
About half way through the date I started to wonder if she ever really meant it.
This 'date' wasn't about the two of us together.
This date was about her finding every excuse she could not to spend time with me.
She hunted down her mother and siblings in Target and then proceeded to drag me to Best Buy and GameStop, trying to find a place to fix her Nintendo.
We saw a movie before she left but she wouldn't even hold my hand and didn't seem to notice that I was pretending to be overly scared in order to provoke some kind of reaction from her.
After the movie, her mother had to tell her three times to walk with me to the exit before she finally gave in.
She was trying to be quiet but I heard her clearly the first two times her mother told her this, her response was 'I don't want to.'
I didn't talk to her again after the date but how can you expect me to?
How do you face someone and tell them that you were wrong about accepting their love and their affections?
Someone who loves the girl you still have feelings for one week and you the next?
I can't face someone and hurt them.
I can't bear to hear their voice crack like a whip as they tear up and try to pretend that they are fine.
I know I stand before you now as more mouse than man but how can I ever be a man if I was stupid enough to run towards the first piece of nourishment that I saw?
The trap snapped not on my neck but on my heart.
I did it again.
I fell in love too quickly.
For the first person that promised light in this ever consuming darkness.
It eats away at your heart.
At your mind.
At your hours of sleep
The food you eat
The people you trust.
It eats and eats until you have nothing left.
Nothing but false promises and a broken heart.