some poem about loss

I wanted us to be
t o g e t h e r & h a p p y

nospacesinbetweenus
butsomehow/happilydivided

like a music teacher and their studies.

I wanted to cuddle you on dark nights,
and keep you warm.

but do you understand
how hard it is to love a knife?

i met you in the worst of times,
harbinger of all things

but i did not heed the warning.

We could have been some SUMPTUOUS garden
full of life and color

but instead you inured me,
you kicked me around for I was like a ball

hurt,
       hobbling,
                   and
                         hellishly crawling

i claw to reach you,

but you turn away.

my eyes pleading,

but you don’t see.