The funny things about dreams is, you don't know if it is really happening or not.

3:12 a.m. It was becoming too difficult to breath.Every breath becoming its own new adversity, tougher than the last. No, it wasn't too humid, nor was it insanely hot in my room, however my mind was just eating me up. Picking away like vultures at all angles, at every essence of my being. I could no longer do it. I needed out of the mental quicksand, something I could rely on, something to use to pull myself up again. The same something that could very well destroy my sanity alone.

My mind is no longer my own, just a skull of my existence as I'm lost and can't seem to process anything that is happening. I barely feel the landing of the frozen flakes as they fall lightly in my hair and I don't even feel the running tears crystallizing against my cheek as the wind smacks angrily against my face. My throat burning like a shot of Fireball. My feet suddenly halt me to a stop. I'm paused on the same street. Where it all had come from. Where it all began and all my mind cannot process. I don't remember leaving the suffocating room. I was in the middle of the street in a blink of an eye. The street I know all too well.

You would feel the same way wouldn't you? If this happened to you, you would feel as desperate, right? But every calming thing that tries to get through my maze of a mind is ignored and denied as my breathing starts to pick up and my throat becomes scratchy and sore from the exaggerated temperature.  Vision blurred like the fine line trembling in the horizon. However in that moment the closest thing to sunlight were street lamps flickering down the on going path ahead. Snow flakes falling so tightly knit together making it difficult to see the next step, that was willingly followed by the last. My body felt as if it had zero mass, almost floating over the blinding white ground. My feet completely bare, felt nothing, except numb. My breath escaped past my rosey lips like an old man exhaling his evening cigar.

I took a simple glance behind me as I notice my foot steps were being covered with a fresh layer of snow a little too quickly as if it was magic. I screwed my eyes shut tightly and shook my head hoping to change this strange and overwhelming situation that I had somehow gotten trapped in. What is going on? My mind is fuzzed like an old TV screen when you can't get the antenna in the right place to pick up the channel. I wondered how I really got here in the first place.

Not even a minute ago I was lying in bed when I started to go mad again as I repeated the same words that my big brother told me as what he claimed was to calm me. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault." But all these words did was haunt me and made me think back to when it happened. That one night I can't bring myself to explain.

Right now as I'm left in darkness still, my eyes pressured shut, everything seems to me as a corny magic show with the overly smiley magician with a way too big of a smile showing off his next crowd pleasing trick as the clueless counterfeit housewives and over worked husbands roar into their phony demeanor, obviously amused. But I on the other hand am far from being amused or even pleased at that.

I felt only weight on my body as my mind so effortlessly wandered off in confusion. I slowly pry my eyes back open and dare to continue my search as to what I'm doing out in this frigid weather so late.

I force myself to keep walking as the small convenient stores and petite diners seemed to cast a haunting silhouette as If they were alive and they were slowly creeping up behind my back as I passed them and the watched my every step like crows. I couldn't help to pick up my pace and end up sprinting. I begin to panic as I start to realize that I've been walking down the same street for what has seemed like hours. 

I 'm stuck.

I'm lost.

And my mind alone seems to be kicking me around like a silly little arcade game that a little prepubescent boy would find so intriguing. One miserable game that I seem to only suffer and I can't find a way to win no matter all the loops and sharp edges that I take in my attempt to escape. I come to a stop not being able to keep up with myself as I drop down and my knees dig into the thin layer of what there is of snow and they redden and turn purple from the harsh sharp ice and impact of the fall. My mind can no longer keep up and my body seems as though it can't either.

The street lights flickered down casting the same haunting shadows. I looked across to the lamp post that had big hands attached to it ticking, mocking, as it read 3:12 a.m. It couldn't be 3:12 still, could it? My mind finally went calm as silence took over and I was in peace as I felt everything that could be described as bliss as I entered a new high. And as time seemed to catch on to my mind everything started to disappear as dust, it was then that I realized time was no longer a factor and I was soon left with nothing but my soul.