I open my eyes, the crusty pieces around my eyelashes stick together after a deep, all-consuming, sleep. My head is heavy and feels like a cement ball my neck is trying to pick up. Just getting out of bed is strenuous on every single muscle accumulating in my body. I don’t want to do life today. I don’t want to go to school... not when every step I take is exasperating. I don’t want to go to work... not when every time I look up there’s a heavy, dark, smoldering cloud, following me as if it’s the only shadow I have. It overpowers my fun, lively, boisterous one. I look in the mirror, but don’t know who I see. Make-up streams down my face like a water color painting. If only that’s what it was. I turn on the water as hot as it can go. My fingers test it out first and when I splash it on my face it burns, like hot coals sizzling in a fire pit. At least I can feel something though.
My black water colored face is washed clean but I can’t wipe away the puffy red eyes. I don’t want to do life today.  I start to undress myself for the shower. My body aches. I pull my clothing off as if they weigh a thousand pounds and finally make my way into the steamy shower. My heavy head feels so much better with soap being massaged through my hair and my scalp. “Why do I feel this way...? Why is it always so hard?” I think to myself as the water runs over my body. Fifteen minutes later I get out of the shower, hoping my weakness was washed away but I know, and deep down, it never will be.
My closet feels empty, almost as empty as me. The difference is though, that my closet it actually bursting with an abundant amount of clothes. They are gorgeous and lined up neatly, an assortment of dark earthy tones, one by one they whisper fulfillment. My closet is never ending but I have nothing to wear. I have nothing that I’ll feel good in, feeling good for me is hopeless. I throw on a summer dress because sadly the cloud above me doesn’t match the weather outside. My dress is short and blue. It flows like the summer breeze. Finding some shoes was easy and I put on the little peasant shoes I just bought.
My wet hair gazes my shoulder and I don’t have enough care to dry it. I put on some mascara and that’s all my face needs. For a pretty girl with a gorgeous house I don’t feel I play the part very well.
I get in my car and put on some music. The morning is beautiful, the trees sway and the sky is bright, blooming with an assortment of blues. The day is ready to be a great day but I’m not ready for it like it is for me. I drive to get some coffee, and right out of my driveway I hit up to fifth gear, a little too fast... but why not? It would be a waste of a car anyways. I pull up to the little café and go in to get my morning fix. Drinking my coffee by the window I see an old married couple, cute and timeless, taking a morning walk. I get lost in my gaze and drift off to a day dream. The milk steams violently from across the café and I get rushed back to reality. “Maybe I won’t do life today. Maybe I’ll stay here and watch other people do life, ok? That sounds nice. I’ll try life tomorrow.”