I am from throwing my pennies,
at the end of my shift
into a canvas bag.
And playing with the skin
under my eyes
as it begins to sag.

I am from finding pennies
tail-side up
and turning them over
for someone else’s luck.
From the song
you loved when you heard it
but waited years
until you bought it.

I am from my shadow
that’s prettier than me.
Leaving my problems to rot
but to find me again
in a breeze.

I am from losing my mind,
marbles and all,
to the spider that haunts me
as it crawls up the wall.
From leaving my room
a disastrous mess
but feeling perfection’s unrest.

I am from being called loud
but it’s only half
of what’s hiding inside.

If I could be honest with you all,
if it comes down to
holding it in
or being proud and tall,
I’d rather be cowardly and small.
Because being tall gets you watched,
and being watched gets you judged
and being judged
is my worst fear of all.