I splash water on my face

When the end starts forming

The seconds start to race

And I can do nothing for me

Now seconds turn to years and

There’s a ringing in my ears

As needles press softly into my skin and

I am sharp

Too sharp even to cut out the eyes that are watching my father

He’s eating peanut butter and couldn’t be any further

My father is an empty vase he

Has become as hollow as that blue glass vase

That I caught him drinking smoke from when I was 12.

The smoke made him okay ‘cause

He said he was sick

But I couldn’t see the bruises

The cloud was too thick

Now his soul has holes and there’s a baby in his hands who can’t yet understand that

She’ll grow up like her mother turning tricks

While her father was turning inside out.

Time is hungry for him and

For me too

But I’ll drown in the fears and

He’ll swim in it’s tricks

He’ll bathe in it’s foolishness and

Inhale the green mist so as not to miss what we’ll miss

We’ll miss it quite soon and

We’ll miss it for good but

He won’t face what almost dead people should.

As more seconds tick by,

As more moments do die

I become thinner and thinner with a ringing in my ears

Until pain smells like peanut butter and

My head is back in the sink.