Papa, Where were you?
Where were you when I fell down
and couldn’t get back up?
Papa, Where were you
when the marks left from falling
were more than just scratches
easily fixed
with your kiss?
Pain and pressure and permanent scars.
Society pressing
their views into me
changing me
to become someone you did not raise.

Papa, Where were you
when no one would listen
so I stayed silent and still.

I’ve been to places no one wishes for anyone to be
especially their daughter
yet you abandoned me
when I needed you most.

Papa where were you
when I was shamed for making new friends?
when I was called out for being fake?
when I cried to myself on the bathroom floor
with the door locked?
when I was afraid to be myself
because no one believed
in the girl
who had a criminal father
and was looked down on for being sad
and depressed
and not trusting anyone
because how could I trust a stranger,
when I learned I couldn’t even trust you?

Papa, where are you now?
Where are you now that you’re not here
holding me in your arms
dressing me up in a pink tutu
and giving me endless gifts
to try to make up for all the
stupid
childish
mistakes you made
that I can now see.
These eyes are no longer blind to your lies.
I grew up
you missed it
You messed up
ran away
abandoned and left
me

You acted like a kid that never grew up.
The consequences expanded farther than you ever imagined.
You never even imagined any at all.
You thought you were invisible
Now you’re invisible.
No longer seen
or heard
or thought about
because I am stronger now.

I am now in a place of peace
I no longer look back
and picture your face
your big smile
your glistening eyes
all are erased
and seem out of place

yet when I look in the mirror all I can see
is you in me
and how I am a daughter
of a boy
who wasn’t ready
to be a father

So I ask,
where are you now that you’re no longer a father
but just a stranger to me.