Eat. Don’t. Eat. Don’t. Maybe? No. Okay fine. Great. Never. Ending.
Cycle. Who creates that cycle? Ana. The voice in your head that is stronger than you. The voice
that tells your reflection to trick you. To say you look 10 times fatter than you did yesterday. To
others she’s Anorexia. To us she’s Ana. Then again, to others she is a mental disorder, but once
again, to us she’s a lifestyle. Luckily for me, Ana hasn’t completely manipulated me. Although
often I do have strong urges to quit eating for a week or two, or to start counting calories.
Nevertheless, that step is already an eating disorder. Ana has completely taken over. Silently
holding you hostage. Hostage inside your own brain. Captive inside your own body. Slowly
devouring you. The twisted thing is you want it to. As long as food doesn’t enter your system or
make you gain any weight you let her do whatever she wants. It’s not exactly a choice at this
point. You’re committed. A cycle. It’s hard sometimes, deciding whether or not to eat, and for
the right reasons. It all started in 7th grade, when a girl sent another girl to ask me a question. The
words that flowed freely out of her mouth attacked me one by one. From then on, I was never
hungry. I stopped eating lunch, stopped eating big portions of food, I just stopped. 8th grade came
and all the weight was gone. I caused worry to a good friend who knows too much about this
stuff, but I brushed it off. “It’s just skipping a few meals, nothing of it,” I thought to myself.
Summer came. Summer weight. To me it’s an on and off thing, to most it’s an on always thing.
Despite, what she tells you, you can stop. Stop her. Stop everything. The pounding question, is
do you, do we, do I want to stop?