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Plotting the Coordinates of a Mind
We’re gliding down the traceless freeway
I won’t dare to check her speed
Stereo beats against the earth
We dance and flail and sing till muscles hurt
This memory is priceless
but lacks in showing you
the meaning beyond carefree days
the friendship beyond screaming lyrics
and playing sweet and sour
now
here is where our story gets murky
because
I just don’t have the eye to see
where
our bond split into two
and i believe that you lost you
map the point
where
your heart got broken
where
the spirit dimmed
where
you feared the world and trapped yourself in
Am I being harsh when saying trapped?
Are you merely stuck just in frustration
or are you foreign
forever in isolation
I know were more the same than not
but can I contradict my previous thought?
misplaced in space she floats
above the specks below
if she is here
we can’t all be more the same than not
I think I need a compass to
compress the days of playing
fading into haze
to track the time when I hugged you
and one day you stopped hugging back.
I think I may have lost the map.
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I decided to write about the recent hardships my sister faces personally, like psychosis and depression, and also discuss how it affects our relationship. My sister is truly my best friend and my poem tries to illuminate the complexities of that while tackling serious mental illnesses. There is a sense confusion throughout the poem that is in line with how I interpret our relationship now: unpredictable.
We begin speeding down a freeway without a care in the world. But the story gets murky as my sister begins to show signs of suffering from a mental illness. There are judgements and questions about both her hardships, and how our relationship is changed. I also wanted to add a piece where I look at myself and ask if I am being too harsh. I did this both because I often question my own judgements and to show the complexity and unknown of this topic. I go on to emphasize how it is impossible to map the human brain, or track a persons thoughts. Re-emphasizing our differences, I suspect we are at such a distance that I lost the map entirely.