Why do I bother?

Why do I even try?

Go out, set myself up for failure.
Am I too c***y?
Am I too tired?
Am I not working enough?

Like an addict
Forever in search of that first high:
Success, be mine again
Victory, show yourself to me again.

What did I do wrong?
Where did I go wrong?

Disgust festers in the center of my being
Disgust in myself, my present, my future
...future. Do I even have one now?
Foggy as dawn, I can no longer see one.

Fear. Fear begets worry
Worry, failure
Failure, misery
Am I strong enough? Can I survive the Valley?

Who? You tell me.
Who would I be without it?

Nobody.
And yet, I can't
Can't resist the tides of shame,
Failure in waves, threatening to pull me under.