If I have a daughter
I’m going to name her Billy
Because my grandma told me I couldn’t
She said that’s a boy’s name

I’m going to name my daughter Billy so she knows she can be all the things they said she couldn’t
And I’m going to leave her nursery walls white
So she can paint them what ever color that fits her best
Whenever she figures out what color that is

And when she comes home with a broken heart and an empty stomach and tear-stained cheekbones and cold hands
I’m going to go out and buy all the chocolate I can afford and I’m going to come home
And I’m going to hold her, until she remembers what life was like before she met that person

I’m going to pick out my memories like I’m picking flowers
And I’m going to give them to her like she stole the whole show

I’ll tell her about the boy I made a painting for
Because I thought we’d last forever
Even though I never even knew his mother’s first name

I’ll tell her about the kid that was four years older than me
But acted four years younger than me

I’ll tell her about the girl I wrote a million poems for
Just so she would notice me
And all I ended up with was a million great poems

And I’ll tell her about the other girl
That licked my open wounds for a night
But woke up
Acting like she had no idea what I was talking about

Then if all else fails
I’ll tell her about my first love

A white cloud of a boy that contained lightning
And I just never paid any attention to how bright he glowed

The first time he struck me
He already told me to get out of his face three times
And I felt his body roar to the rhythm of his own heart beat
I known of him to hail on anyone who even remotely looked at him wrong
But not me

At this point
She’ll probably look at me like I just confirmed al of her fears
I’ll run my fingers through her hair
Like I’m trying to scrap out her original perceptions of love

I’ll hand her the rest of the box of chocolates
Because she’ll need something to help her swallow all the reality I forced into her
But I know she’ll be okay
Because I named her Billy