I’m sorry that I didn’t get it then
What it meant to feel empty
What it felt like to be swallowed whole by a monster
That monster had a name
You called it depression
And I didn’t understand you

I’m sorry that I couldn’t see it then
How much you meant what you said
I asked why you never seemed to try to be happy
You answered me truthfully
You said that you couldn’t
And I didn’t believe you

I’m sorry that I didn’t know then
How much pain you were in
How brave you were when you faced each day
You overcame so much
You had to fight so hard
And I never helped you

I get it

Because not only have I been swallowed up
But sometimes I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel
Depression takes hold
I can’t loosen its grasp
I understand now

I see it
My hands tremble the way yours always did
I try to calm the hurt in my body and clear the fog in my mind
Sometimes I can’t smile
I see your illness in me
I believe you now

I know
What it’s like to lie awake
To want to cry and scream and disappear forever without reason
I feel alone
I’m losing control
I need your help now