Seeds Of light spilled out when they wished to torment the clouds;
Your farewell sooths me, like a smooth stone leaving its prayer on my fingertips.
Memories whispered somewhere behind the shadows of the moon;
Covered in satin cloths, Bare bones, cold, lying on the floor of an abandoned house.
Falling pointless falling.
I was the house.
Left neglected and unneeded,
Bathtubs, and cigarettes.
Endless misery.
My soul spidering up a thread dampened in the rain; someday.
Once, twice, three times, gone.
Towards emptiness is where I drifted, where what seemed real dissolved in time.
Where we abandoned fake smiles and white walls, for I'm fine and therapy;
Traded warm walls and late night phone calls for Hospital beds, and Medication.
You get used to it, Tubes down you esophagus.
Misery.
That’s all we know; they say I’m crazy.
But when white walls and hospital beds is all that you know, you begin to believe it.
Endless Misery, That’s where you lead me.
Held my hand and turned Rose pedal and kisses into fits of anxiety and bruises.
My knees are bruised now,
And when you've fallen all things hurt.
Then suddenly nothing.
The world doesn’t stop spinning just because you need a break.
Fake smiles, when you've forgotten what happiness feels like, that is all you allow people to see.
But to no avail misery is all that you feel, and all the world will ever allow you to know.
Blank spaces and hallways leading nowhere, someday.
But it seems as though I've forgotten what comfort feels like.
When the world gives you someone that makes you feel special and that is taken away,
It’s like saying "Oops this gift is for someone else".
I cling to what is given to me, because I know to love no other way.
Something about tomorrow seems to torment my soul;
Yet the idea of waking up to someone there makes it okay to hate myself.
I've fallen for a gift that was never mine to hold onto.
Towards emptiness is where I followed you;
Where it seemed okay to be empty because I find comfort in what I know.
Suddenly I've fallen, and have managed to let every piece of me break.
Shattered like fine china.
My knees are bruised now; and I tell myself that being hurt is okay because...
Because...
Because...
NO.
It's not okay but it has become something I've learned to accept.
Falling, Sinking, Drowning beneath all the sorrow I attempt to contain.
That is all I seem to do.
Because: A word used to introduce a phrase or clause expressing and explanation or reason.
You left me with not a single “because”. Now I am shattered glass.
Unfixable, But I manage to pretend.
Walking around with a smile when in reality I want to burst into a puddle.
Yet no one seems to understand,
Because I am only seventeen and it is somehow unfathomable to see that I could have been in love.
"Because" is all I asked for
"Accept that I won’t tell you" is all that you left me.