It’s cold and dark
The voices scream at me
Tears roll down both cheeks
So upset, I forget what’s going on
I’ve disappeared
But to where?
It’s still dark
Still lonely
But this time, I’m okay
I’m not scared
Or upset
The voices are gone
It’s just me
I’m okay
No more thoughts
No more fears
Just me
Am I allowed to be happy?
Is it okay to smile?
I’m confused
I have no idea where I’ve gone
But I like it
I feel alright
No pain
No tears
No people
Is this happiness?
I can’t tell
But wait…
What’s happening now?
I’m back again
Tears, and pain
It’s back
The anxiety won’t go away
I’ve been hurt
My wrist is bleeding
And I don’t understand why
But then…
I realize what I’ve done
I caused my own pain
But why?
How?
I wasn’t here to do it
I was okay
How could I do this if I was okay?
I don’t understand
But wait…
I do understand
It all makes sense now
I entered my own world
My mind
I was alone in my mind
Leaving my body alone
Uncontrolable
I was too scared
Too upset to realize
But now I know
I caused myself pain
I wasn’t truly happy
I was lost
And while I was lost
I thought I had found happiness
But I was wrong
I was blinded
I was lying to myself
Thought that maybe telling myself I’m okay
Would actually make things okay
But I was wrong…
It made things worse
And now
My arm will be marked forever.