What would dear Charlotte say?

To these kids slaving away on their magic typing machines

Black coffee in hand

Music blasting their eyes open at two in the morning

Staring at the screen and wracking their brains at the obscene questions

How does Brontë anticipate the dream psychology of Freud and Jung?

Apply the allusion of Nebuchadnezzar, Samson, Apollo and Vulcan to the characters of Rochester and St. John?

Defend the notion that Jane Eyre is a vehicle for gynocritical thought.

Oh, Ms. Brontë

Perhaps your witty alter ego can come over and set things straight

Was your literary purpose to explode the young minds of the future with these analyses?

Did you have the intention of layers to be built upon your appealing foundation that is so profound for the sole reason that it's construct was in 1847?

I think not

An admirable woman would not commit such crimes

(and Ms. Eyre—er, excuse me, Ms. Brontë—you are quite admirable)

My English teacher begs to differ with my "base" interpretation, however:

Such a lovely book

Marred by categorical homo sapiens

Nosy humans

It’s a love story, is it not?

Merely that, merely that

One of those blue curtain scenarios

You meant nothing more than that, did you not?

I pray you didn’t

Because I’m on the verge of page six out of seven

And I’m running out of versions of blah and Blah

Since when was Literature a method of torture

And not a reprieve from life?

Oh, Charlotte, I beseech you!

What’s the answer to number twelve?