I want to be someone’s special person. I want to be the one they think about before they go to bed and the one they first think about in my morning. I want them to know what I’m going to say before I say it. I want them to know when something is wrong with me instantly. I want them to ask what’s wrong more than once. I want them to come over and cuddle no matter how far away they are. I want them to text me late at night. I want them to worry about my even though they shouldn’t be. I want them to love me for me. I want them to not care about what people say. I want someone who walks up behind me and hug me. I want someone who will laugh with me at the stupid things. I want a funny someone. I want a person that gives great hugs. I want a someone who I can call them mine. I want a someone who calls me theirs. I want a person to joke around with. I want someone I love. I want someone to be my special person.

He will never love me. He will never think of me that way. I’m just a friend to him. I think he forgets about me sometimes. I will never be his. I want an us but he doesn’t. That’s why I’ve chosen to not think about him anymore. I see him and it hurts a little.

If I moved would they miss me? I saw them during lunch. They looked fine, ignoring me. Only wanting me to agree with them, my money for them to buy their food, or using my for the sustenance I don’t have all day until dinner. I feel like I’m just standing there doing nothing as they socialize. I see him. He might be ignoring me. But he’s still beautiful. It hurts. I feel them pushing me down the table for another person to sit. They really won’t miss me if I move. People who I’m not close with ask me if I’m okay. I’m not, but still I say yes or just shrug. They ask for help when they need it but when I do they only say I’m here for you. But are you really? On my saddest days would you be there? I count the hours as time goes by. Five hours. Four. Three. Two. One. Finally I have survived another day of being ignored and forgotten. Then it repeats,”If I move would they miss me?” Would you? They say they do, but I don’t really believe them. I escape reality with movies that would never happen in real life. I listen to music. Both love and sad. And yet they rely on me to be friends with me. But how when they won’t listen.