so i’m going to paint my

fingernails

and with every stroke i’m

going to remember what has made me who

i am today

and with each colour i will

illustrate a part of me that

i am ashamed of or i am afraid of or content with or

believe in or

wish was what people think of when they

hear my name

and then i will make a mess because

we are all messy people

and i will walk amongst the low

lighting and wave

my arms around because i am both drying my

colours and trying to

fall free;

i will feel the air beneath my arms that will

remind me of the air that will keep me

alive until i get

everything sorted out

and i may

see my reflection in the microwave door and i may

look at my eyes and hope

that someone will see something greater in them

some day

and i may look at

my head

and hope that someday someone other than i

will understand what is going on in there

and when i am done i will

feel different with my

fingernails all painted and silly and like that of

a child but

i will perhaps feel happy

and perhaps the mess will have been

worth it.