I love and I hate.
I miss and I want.
I fear and I long.
I envy and I appreciate.

I love the smell of winter fires.
I hate the smell of burnt popcorn.
I love to drive on a cool summer night.
I hate hearing a Mourning Dove mourn.

I fear rejection from my prospective colleges.
I long for the college process to be done.
I fear my offspring will be all girls.
I long to have at least one son.

I love the first bite of a custard donut.
I hate the inevitable last.
I love making plans & thinking of the future.
I hate dwelling on the past.

I miss floating on the dock in the Rez.
I want it to rain until the creek is deep.
I miss driving in the mud at home.
I want my mom to give me back my jeep.

I love waking to the smell of bacon.
I hate touching mushy food in the sink.
I love a good pair of riding boots.
I hate wearing anything pink.

I envy hair that grows long and quickly.
I appreciate my tight little curls.
I envy Cowgirls with with turquoise bracelets.
I appreciate my grandma’s Fijian pearls.

I love howling with the invisible coyotes.
I hate finding a tick on my dog.
I love putting clothes in the dryer.
I hate when the second sock gets lost.

I miss feeding Koi fish when I was five.
I regret dreading my hair up that year.
I miss eating jawbreakers with my sister.
She regrets bloodying my nose with a can of beer.

I miss snack time before naps at daycare.
I want those banana scratch and sniff stickers.
I miss the Valentine’s Day cards in primary school.
I want to go back to when kids knew nothing of liquors.

I fear the spread of ebola.
I long for the sick to regain good health.
I fear the loss of  rare opportunities.
I long to only fear fear itself.

I envy teens with unlimited gas cards.
I appreciate public transportation.
I envy college grads who have no student loans.
I appreciate the music played from their school’s stations.

I love illimitable free Costco samples.
I hate waiting in their interminable lines.
I love popping shipping bubble wrap.
I hate the cost of Amazon Prime.

I want to swim with a giant Whale Shark.
I miss floating down the Sacramento river.
I want to remember our freshmen year pop songs.
I miss art class when we’d sing Coldplay’s “Shiver”.

I love salted caramel ice cream.
I hate when the lactose makes me cry.
I love a genuine smile when meeting someone new.
I hate terminal dismal goodbyes.