My face turns red
My mind fills with dread
My heart races and the faces in the room become blurry
My mind is overworking in a furry of confusion and panic
Colors blend as my mind starts to bend
Working to fend them off I try to hide my face in my hair
Body grows hot as my heart works its way out of my chest
I want nothing more than to let it out, to shout, to scream.
"I don't know what you mean!"
It seems I never do
I rub my face as if it will erase all the confusion I feel
But all it does is keep going like a broken strip on a reel
A feeling of helplessness creeps in as embaressment seeps in
Everyone else gets it-
So why don't I?
Clipped wings that never seemed to be there-
To fly with the rest
But unlike geese, no one stops for the other-
They just keep going
Showing that if you don't get it the first time-
It's your butt on the line and it's your job to get it in gear
Its a major fear I never really will, or at least all the way
I can't wait for the day when all I do pays off
It's not like I don't try
It's not like my mind goes else where
I don't stare into space or pretend to listen
I work hard
Because Knowlege is key
But when I just can't seem to get it-
All you really want to do is flee
But I sit here,
Clipped wings, red, with hair in my face, unable to sit straight
Because if I do-
You know, they'll choose you
With no hand up in the air, no obvious stare of understanding
No-
I'll just look at my paper, study all night, and just hope for once-
I get something right
But, as I sit, my mind at a bend
It snaps
Because I realize in that moment
I dont' know any of this crap.