white noise
that is what
I can hear

silent but not empty
as I grope hopelessly
for a single moment

write a poem
about a moment
use devices
be purposeful

when have I
ever
done something purposeful
wild, savage, capricious

tell me
when have I
done something purposeful
because I guarantee
savage is not a choice

praise me
oh, praise me
as so many others have

I didn’t want it
it wasn’t purposeful
it just is
I just am
and it isn’t anything special as so many claim

I want your this
I want your that
well how nice for you
but I never wanted it

I watched television
alone at age 4
I played in a corner
all by myself at age six
at ten I sat in solitude
and at 12 I knew nothing more
In a few months time I’ll be gone again
no regretfull goodbyes await

how very blessed I am

do you know
what it feels like
to be strangled by the person you are
have you ever seen
everyone who’s suppose to love you
walk away
and wish you could too

oh yes
I’m something special alright
the scars on my arm
and the ones hidden under my skirt
are only further proof of that

so talented
so confident
this wild, savage beast