The first boy I ever dated,
told me he loved me two months in
and I wasn’t sure what to say
so I said I loved him too.

But I felt nothing inside
yet if we dated for two months,
we must have some sort of connection
at least that’s what I made myself believe.

After he said he loved me,
he pressured me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with
but we were in love and that’s what people do
when they love each other, right?

We dated for eleven months
and I got really depressed during this time,
maybe from our relationship or from something else
that was tearing me apart inside.

He followed me home one day after school
because my parents weren’t home
and he wanted to have sex with me
to celebrate being in love for eleven months.

I was scared of him at that point,
scared that he would be mad when I told him no
I don’t want to have sex yet,
I’m not ready for that.

When he showed up at my house,
I slammed the door in his face,
tears streaming down my cheeks
while I shouted at him to leave me alone.

He grabbed my arm and said I was making a mistake,
he told me that I would regret this
he told me that I would pay for breaking up with him,
and I did pay.

A month later, I met someone new
and he found out and started treating me like crap,
messaging me that he’d tell everyone I gave him
some STD if I didn’t sleep with him.

I tried to ignore him and act like he wasn’t alive,
but he pushed me over the edge and I told him,
that I was done living if he wouldn’t leave me alone,
I told him I was ready to die.

He called the police on me,
they came to my house in the middle of the night
and took me to the hospital,
I have’t been the same since that day.

The first boy I ever dated,
ruined my life and destroyed me mentally,
he treated me terribly and now that’s how
I think love works when that’s not even close.

Now I run from boys who treat me with respect,
I push boys away who want me to be happy,
I don’t know how I deserve to be treated
and I’ll never forgive that boy for what he did to me.