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Reconciliation with Joey
I lost myself on July 28th 2014.
Everything I knew, everything I loved. My everything;
It all came crashing down.
Up until that point,
I was good at pretending to be okay.
I guess a pretty face and a smile is all you need to fool people.
That's what I used to survive.
I turned around and saw my parents' blank faces.
Staring at me with a solemn look.
It was like a sad photograph; the old fashioned kind.
"Who died?" I asked jokingly. I didn't know. Yet.
Tears started streaming from their eyes.
And they told me.
A wave of confusion came over my eyes,
As I tried to add it all up.
But I didn't know what.
It couldn't be him, no,
He had told me, "I love you," that very same day,
But what I didn't know was heroin stood in the way,
Of who he truly was, and who he was pretending to be,
And I was too blind to see,
the drug was his way to let out the pain.
So I stepped outside into the summer rain.
And I ran, and I screamed, and I cursed his name.
For making me part of his f***ed up game.
And all I wanted to do was run and run and run away.
Away from the pain, and sometimes I still do.
But I am trying to come to terms with my life, and everything.
That has happened.
I forgive him and I forgive myself.
Because I knew, where ever he is, he is proud.
Of the woman I am, the woman I want to be.
But I still wish he was here with me.