True Connection

i hope you realize
that connection
can be
more than just physical
should be
beyond achieving a lifetime of hedonism
should reach
the depths of another’s mind
let me
help you find your eunoia
and you
help me recover the resplendent thoughts
that i used to have
that i used to not be ashamed of having
that i was not shamed for having
the innocent ones
the pure ones
i want them back
but they are useless for
they do not resonate with yours
do they?

this great big world
yet you care nothing of it
but a pastime that can be done by
any two with a pulse
i can appease your mind
i can show you things your eyes never will
i can make you feel
not alone
not just show that you are
not alone
but none of that matters to you
does it?

your lack of apathy destroys me
because your mind is a melancholy song
that i can’t help but play on repeat
and i can’t help but play on repeat
the words that you’ve said to me
the melodies
the tones
that helped me realize
that you are just like me
you are sad without a cause
you detest the ignorant and laugh then pause
then laugh again to avoid the insincere and useless questions
from those who claim to care
“are you okay?” “what’s wrong?”

sometimes you swim in pools of nothingness
for days
wander aimlessly, endlessly
in your own thoughts
walking down dead end roads
trying to find a reason why
you are so different
trying to find a reason why
no one feels the same
i know that
because i do
i feel the same
i am the same
as you
but there is a difference between us
that will ravage all the grandeur in our bond
and it is?

it is 1:52am
and i am thinking of you
thinking
of you
your body is not here
but you are
here
with me
that is connection too

i truly pity you
for you may live your whole life believing
that broken thoughts cannot be mended with words from another
that hopeless tears cannot be dried by the voice of a lover

i truly pity you
for you may live your whole life believing
that my body is more beautiful than my mind
that it does not matter my soul is pure and kind

you are wrong

i will not cave in to you
no matter how sweet your toxic words may seem
because my body is an object
but i am not
the others may be convinced your words hold true
but i am not
and it is not love
if you refuse to accept my beliefs
and it is not love
if you so desperately desire to change me

and when your pool is filled
and i am sure it will be one day
i hope it becomes lucid
that true connection
will be the only thing
keeping you from drowning
even if your own body
is the only one present.