I can feel my pulse pounding through my veins
It beats to the resolute song of life
Assuring me I’m alive
Even if I’m scared to death

Fear

Adrenaline runs through my body
Readying me for flight at
The first sign of peril

I start to notice miniscule things
Like how fast my breath is entering my nose
And exiting through slightly parted lips
Cracking my voice into a million incoherent pieces
That my shaking hands cannot pick up

I keep precise count
Of the amount of times I blink
And memorize the pattern of my beating heart

This fear is remarkable
It’s an indicator of a challenge to overcome
A battle to be won
An amateur cliff diver feels this
As they teeter on the edge of the cliff face
Staring down and knowing the
Only thing that with catch them
Is the unforgiving waves that lay so far below

A young heart set ablaze by the
Consuming fire of love can relate as they approach their unknowing crush
With words of affection dangling off
Their lips ready to confess their interest

But, if the diver didn’t make the daring jump
Or the teenager didn’t approach
The fear would never be conquered
It would rot and fester like an infected wound
Dooming its victim to bedridden paralysis

And so often I do this
I let my fears control and consume me
I give it power to manipulate and abuse me

I place myself in a tightly sealed box
So desolate and sealed off
That not even one small sliver of light
can penetrate through the thick walls of my insecurity
When I hide myself away
I clothe myself in layer upon layer
Of bulletproof vests and armor
Preventing everything from entering
Until I myself shut down and
I am oblivious to the worst and best of everything

I am placing blindfolds over my sensitive eyes
And locking my tender self in a padded room
I’m putting out a fire before a match is lit

And living in fear is frigid and bland and cold

I have found that instead of succumbing to
The isolation and loneliness
Peeling off these suffocating layers can become addicting
Once you get a taste of the light again

Here I am, tearing off these layers
Pulling them off until they’re heaps on
The floor, and grinding them to dust
Pulverizing what once held me back
Until I’m standing in a pile of dust

The dust of my captor
Of my ill bed
Of my insecurity

And now without my deterrent
I can leap off the cliff face
And emerge from the ocean waves

Pealed off and unlocked
Vulnerable and strong
Scared and alive
Scarred and beautiful
Imperfect and empowered