You see her every day,
You’ll walk past her,
Not thinking a second thought.
She’s in two of your classes,
So what?
She’s loud,
Blurts out quite a bit in class,
Always talking and laughing with a smile on her face.
What you do not know is that she would rather die than come to school in the morning and face the day.
What you see in the day is not what she is during the night.
At night, she can be two people.
She could be staring out the window into the bleak darkness,
With only street lamps illuminating the empty roads,
Looking for nothing.
She can also be heaving and sobbing into her pillow until four am,
And her only company is herself.
She draws on her skin in his name with objects that were meant for merely sharpening pencils,
But that is not her use for them.
She stares at the ceiling wishing she wasn’t so numb and all she wants to do is feel something again.
All she wants is to stop tricking herself into happiness,
And she wants to stop slapping a smile on here face during the day wishing she didn’t have to face the inevitable nights ahead.
She wants to exterminate her wish for oblivion and wish for something good, something happy.
And she wants people to care about her for once,
She wants to stop being betrayed by her closest friends and she wishes that they would stop leaving her.
And most of all she wants to stop being alone,
But sometimes being alone isn’t too terrible.
She wants to stop the late nights of everything and nothing,
And she wants to be normal and happy again,
But she knows that the next day she has to force that same smile and laugh again,
She knows that she has to face everyone.
She knows she has to put on a great show to keep the suspicions low,
And she knows that she has to force herself to call out in class too often so people see her as “confident” and “light-hearted.”
But that is what she is not.
She is not a happy person,
She is not what she seems,
And she is definitely not what she projects into the world,
And she knows if anyone finds this out,
She will be treated worse than ever before,
And she knows to herself that she is treated like crap more than she is already,
That will be her breaking point.
She knows that she will crumble because she is balancing on almost nothing,
And she knows that the one that means most will crumble with her,
And she knows she can’t let that happen.
And sometimes she wants to give up,
But she knows that one person she holds dear will too,
And she knows that the person deserves so much more than that,
So she has to hold on just for the two of them,
So she slaps on that smile for that day,
And when you see her,
Know that she is merely a fragile girl who faces such terrible demons during the dreaded nightfall as well as the day;
And she is merely an illusion of happiness.

                                             {s.r}