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A letter to him
I was looking for you everywhere, God.
I finally found you
in my bleeding wrists,
in my hopeless dreams,
when I woke up to a nightmare.
I saw your face on the bathroom wall.
I felt your hands on my back,
when I breathe the last fume of the last cigarette.
when I was leaving my kisses on a foreign neck with my red lipstick.
We are just sinners god, who try to have a little fun.
I feel you, God. Can you feel me?
I got your message when I was high as hell,
I hear your song.
I wanted sing it god,
I am a weak creature, but still your creature.
Can you hear me?
I missed him, God.
I used to worship with him in a public WC at 3 am in the morning.
I missed worshipping for you in his bed.
I missed worshipping, God.
Now, all I can do is…
You know.
My wrists are bleeding, God.
Blood is dripping to the floor with a heavy noise.
Not as heavy as my tears.
Can you see my tears, God?
Where are you, God?
I took the whole bottle of pills,
nothing about me.
I am just trying to reach you, God.
I thought you didn’t want me, God.
I am still breathing with hate.
I cut my neck, I saw the blood coming out.
Then I taste you, God.
I felt infinite.
I want you, God.
I want to feel again.
I miss my feelings, God.
Where are you now, God?
I can’t find you.
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