white. i remember white.
i remember the pill bottles strewn
across the floor and the taste of whisky on your lips.
i remember drowning in those lips.
i remember falling to my knees in pain too
but everything else is blurry.
everything in between the
vodka soaked kisses
pressing against my skin
and the staggering pain in my chest
as you were carried away
is gone.

duck tape stretched across my mouth
forbidding me from speaking
from breathing.
hot sweat beads at my wrists where
i see red. yes i remember red
now too. red like cherries
or strawberry juice bleeding down the side of a
mojito glass.

you were my ecstasy, my lsd,
my sweet little pill
when the heat of the summer became too much
to handle and i needed a cool drink to
remind me of why
we weren’t planning for the future or
sitting in our living rooms choking down
lukewarm pop and Lays chips as commercials
drag on
and on.

you were my sunset but now
its dark and i can’t see to
grab another shot of liquor to push
the tears back into my eyes because
goddammit we don’t cry in this household.
but then again
i didn’t think we died in this household either.