I'm lit up in pain so bright it's like white flames dancing in the center of an instopable fire. That's almost how I feel. I'm virtually unstoppable to anyone else yet the only thing that stopped me was him. I looked at the message on my illuminated screen and felt paralyzed. 

"I'd like it better if we were friends. It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I don't want to lose our precious friendship."

My world felt like it was crumbling to pieces that no god could pick up and try to piece back together. I knew this was silly and that one day I'd be over it, but now it just seemed impossible. I loved him, I really did. 

Moments like this are why I keep my heart locked away. Why I turned my back on the cold world only to be even colder and crueler as a person. I wasn't human. But I let him in anyway. I let him in and I never stopped thinking about it. Imagining what his smile would look like. How beautiful his laugh would sound. I'd imagine what it'd be like if I actually had him by my side. Or vice versa. I loved him and I honestly don't regret anything I said. But what broke me was his words. He didn't want me as a lover because he thought what we had was precious. I can hardely say I felt the same but I wasn't sure what I felt about our relationship. I only know what I felt about him.

"It's okay. If you're happy, I'm happy."

With a broken heart and cold fingers I typed my first lie to the boy I loved. I lied when I swore I never would. I knew he wouldn't know either. And to be honest, It felt kinda good.