Life is full of choices she says
You need to make the right ones she says
Mistakes aren't tolerated she says
Everything has consequences she says
I say enough
Your finished she says
I say I just began
No more stress valleys overflowing with worry
No more caves blocked with avalanches of "what ifs"
No more
No more
I'm tired of measuring my happiness on others grading scale
I'm tired of wearing a mask that's creepily becoming my skin
It's ceramic edges softening, suffocating
Where am I?
Somedays my teeth, my tongue slither through the holes and I can see the smile on their faces
I'm back
the holes close
I'm lost
I'm done
I'm ripping the shards out off my cheeks letting my skin dangle letting the blood flow
Buts it's my blood my skin my pain
It's all mine
I'm putting my foot down
Slamming it until the waves raise, hitting the moon with every beautiful mistake and grace filled accomplishment
Calm down she says
Hold on I say
No, let go I say
I'm breaking
Let me be myself
The athlete that falls over her own feet
The overly excited, outgoing
The shy, sweaty palms, can't make eye contact
The reader, teachers pet
The partier, risk taker
The joker
The drama queen
The lover
You don't want him she says
I say I do
I want that curly hair tangled in my fingers
That loud mouth engulfed in mine until the only words we hear are of muffled disbeliefs
I say I crave him
He's stuck his needle in my arm and formed an addiction
Push him aside she says
Don't show you care she says
But I do
I've never wanted someone all to myself since him
Yes, remember him she says
Feel the pain again she says
Look at your parents she says
But I can't, I'm looking at him
Imagining our body's like yarn, weaving into one another, never separating
Separate she says
Sorry, he's my Elmer's glue remember