Love Not Seen

I was blinded as
a child,
never fully understanding the mindset
of love.
LOVE only existed in the movies
even then
it was far from my
reality.

Mommy and daddy
never kissed.
Never shared secret stares
or talked in sweet nothings.

They showed their
"love"
by slamming doors
and screaming words
that could damage any soul.

They told me
they loved eachother
just not in the way
that you see on the screens.
Promising me that love is real
and I would
someday find it.

BUT
when love came knocking on my door
singing kindness in my ear
I mistook the AFFECTION
as some sort of sick joke!
I pushed desire away
and and said,
"Mommy and Daddy
would hate
to see me
acting like such a fool."

I never let a boy's lips
touch mine
for Mommy and Daddy
never shared a kiss.
I looked at holding hands
as a DISGRACE,
I was never told about the rush
it could give.
And as for compliments?
COMPLIMENTS were never heard of
over the insults
screamed at the earliest hours of the day.

As I grow older
I begin to realize
it's not that love doesn't exist,
it's just that
I've only been taught
that love is NEVER shown.

Love is not just in fairytales
it is a feeling that has been experienced,
only I was never fortunate enough
to see it
with my own eyes.

I pray that one day,
I will learn how to love
in a way
that Mommy and Daddy
could never do!