Like something with claws the past holds on to the inside of my eyelids
And I still love you even in your absence
In my peripheral vision I can still see you lying in bed next to me
Monumental and very far away
I can still hear your breathing like a familiar dream
Toward the end I didn’t know you
You were nothing more than a friend of a friend of a friend
Our anger shattered the windows and our tears flooded the basement
My chest felt oddly inflated
I never got the chance to kiss you goodbye
There are so many things I would say to you now
My mind is filled with enough words to form an unsent letter
Some days the words collide to say “I miss you”
And others want to take your memory and grind it to dust
So I could watch you leave me floating like pollen
As I survive in the darkness with the memory of your voice
Singing me sweet lullabies as I promised you forever
I let my eyes fall and smile with you
As you lie beside me in a haze of smoke and a nose full of crystals
You hold me, but still you’re gone