I have empty space in my heart that was once filled by the galaxies that live in your eyes. No matter what I do to try and fill your void, I can’t bury my loss. I miss your soft hands, your warm body, your flowing hair and all the memories that we shared together that we kept replaying because they all were so fun. I miss the inhumane ways of telling ourselves that we love each other. I miss walking down the hallways hand in hand and in step because we’re band geeks. I miss being able to boop you on your nose. I miss being able to tickle you at every chance I get.
It’s different without you. I’m not like I was. I spend more time being alone and isolating myself, unlike when we were together where I had no limits on what I can do. Everything has changed since you left. I try to not show that I miss holding your hand, miss leaning against lockers, gazing into the mysterious wonders in your eyes. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now that you’re not around to cheer me up, or to kiss me, or even to just be there to sit and cuddle with me.
I miss your soft lips pressed against mine, our bodies becoming one as we hold each other tightly with our arms. Time has slipped through my fingers and has run out. I lost you because you were through with it all. You needed to find a way put and by God, you found it. I’m having trouble bearing with my loss of you. I struggle each and every day to not think of you and all the joy we had together because it’ll only make me miss you that much more. Every day when I walk past your locker, I look at it in hopes that someday, you’ll come back from your “permanent vacation” to be with me and to be here for me, as I will be here for you.
It’s different not being able to see your smile every time I walk into school. It’s different. It’s not right. It’s actually a little weird not to see you and for you t not put a smile on my face every morning. I have a space in my heart that belonged to you and it will always belong to you. The hole that I carry inside myself goes to show how much I actually do love you and how much I miss you when you’re gone, and how well one single person can care about you. For God’s sake, I loved you enough to give you my virginity. Nothing will ever be able to fill the space that you have in my heart, because you belong to me and you will always remain a part of me for my whole life.
Ten years from now, if I decide to find another girl, no matter what happens between her and me, no one will ever take your place in my heart from you. I just hope that you’re happy with where you’re at now and nothing is upsetting you anymore.
-T.C.