Shocked?

No that’s not the right word.

Hurt?

That comes closer.

I can’t say I didn’t know it though. I can’t say I didn’t suspect it.

How could I have talked about him using possessives like “mine” and “his”

He is not my possession

I am not his

We don’t belong to each other

Words like “babe” and “baby” and “hun” are just that

Words

That don’t have any meaning attached to them

Even when they were said through his sweet lips

Or

My bad

I forgot what generation we are in

Let me start over

Even when they were texted through his fifth generation iphone

But they still seemed to mean something

Until I figured out

There were other possessives besides “mine” and “his” that I had somehow forgotten about

Like “hers”

That was one I refused to believe was even in my vocabulary

But it was

And “hers” came when I least expected it

And pulled the illusions in my head out from under me so fast

That I lost my balance

And fell

Fell so hard that I had fallen out of love faster than I had fallen into it

And that scared the f*** out of me

And I’m still scared

That the only possessive I’ll have left is…

Well that’s just it

I’m scared I will have no one to possess

And no one to possess me

And “mine” and “his” won’t exist anymore

And I’ll be left with “hers”

And she

will possess it all