staying home on the weekends | Teen Ink

staying home on the weekends

August 21, 2014
By Anonymous



a little bit after 2 am



i’m dreaming yet my eyes, open



are fixated on the second story bedroom light in my neighbors home



i’ve not slept well in a while



i give joe all of this advice about avoiding upadana



yet i cling to you steadfast



my mind is racing now



your arms wrapped snuggly around my fat 28 year old belly



my fingers illustrating beautiful paisley patterns



across the soft skin at the back of your thighs



it took me a while but i’ve realized that one day, you will probably leave me



and you easily could fly away, not a grain of salt gracing your tail



you’ll want something new, someone who can better rival your sharp intellect and mystical aesthetic



but i am filled with forlorn hope that maybe this will last



i have always been bad at taking my own advice



and rarely have i learned from experience



maybe all things mustn’t pass away



i’d like to say i’ve had two beers too many, to put my emotions off as a side effect of some substance



but all i’ve had is sweet tea



your favorite



you don’t tell me you love me very often but i know you do



i probably tell you far too much



i can’t bare the thought of you forgetting or doubting



i check the time on my phone and am greeted by your irradiating smile and squinted eyes of mythic forest green



i hate myself very much



but the combination of your smile and a sappy message i saved that you sent on the 29th



renders my frown nonviable



for insufferable hipster scum, i am surprisingly sentimental



every time you feel bad, i ask myself what i could’ve done to prevent it



all i want is to see you grin like a jacka** chewing on sawbrier and know that i am the reason behind it



maybe i’ll be able to rub your feet after a hard day of grading papers and lecturing



maybe you’ll need me to make chili for you when you’re sick



maybe you need to vent to me about your family



i wish my junkie arms were disproportionately large so i could ruin the dental work of everyone who has ever hurt you and who may do so in the future



but i’m afraid of hitting myself



the light goes off and here i am left, in the black, few thoughts beyond you



i cannot wait to hold you


The author's comments:

The piece was a spur of the moment, stream of consciousness that I wrote around 2 am while listening to American Football.


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