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staying home on the weekends
August 21, 2014
a little bit after 2 am
i’m dreaming yet my eyes, open
are fixated on the second story bedroom light in my neighbors home
i’ve not slept well in a while
i give joe all of this advice about avoiding upadana
yet i cling to you steadfast
my mind is racing now
your arms wrapped snuggly around my fat 28 year old belly
my fingers illustrating beautiful paisley patterns
across the soft skin at the back of your thighs
it took me a while but i’ve realized that one day, you will probably leave me
and you easily could fly away, not a grain of salt gracing your tail
you’ll want something new, someone who can better rival your sharp intellect and mystical aesthetic
but i am filled with forlorn hope that maybe this will last
i have always been bad at taking my own advice
and rarely have i learned from experience
maybe all things mustn’t pass away
i’d like to say i’ve had two beers too many, to put my emotions off as a side effect of some substance
but all i’ve had is sweet tea
your favorite
you don’t tell me you love me very often but i know you do
i probably tell you far too much
i can’t bare the thought of you forgetting or doubting
i check the time on my phone and am greeted by your irradiating smile and squinted eyes of mythic forest green
i hate myself very much
but the combination of your smile and a sappy message i saved that you sent on the 29th
renders my frown nonviable
for insufferable hipster scum, i am surprisingly sentimental
every time you feel bad, i ask myself what i could’ve done to prevent it
all i want is to see you grin like a jacka** chewing on sawbrier and know that i am the reason behind it
maybe i’ll be able to rub your feet after a hard day of grading papers and lecturing
maybe you’ll need me to make chili for you when you’re sick
maybe you need to vent to me about your family
i wish my junkie arms were disproportionately large so i could ruin the dental work of everyone who has ever hurt you and who may do so in the future
but i’m afraid of hitting myself
the light goes off and here i am left, in the black, few thoughts beyond you
i cannot wait to hold you
© Anonymous
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The piece was a spur of the moment, stream of consciousness that I wrote around 2 am while listening to American Football.