What’s the meaning of love? Is it a joke? Does it plan the fatalities and seek out its victims before pouncing…?
One minute its screaming at me, go! He’s the one! It’s him! He’s here, I promise I’m not playing with you, I found him for you.
And like a mistreated dog that doesn’t know the difference between love and deception, I take two stumbling steps forward into his arms, I let his voice make me feel warm inside, I let my heart beat a little faster…
And then, BAM! Love mummers in my head; just kidding! You fell for it again!
And I’m falling
Falling
Falling
It hurts so bad I don’t know what to do, but I can’t blame love because it’s the ONLY thing that I ever thought was true, it gives me that high, it distracts me from the constant spasms of pain that slice through my body like a shooting flame.
And it’s so hard not to be angry all the time because everyone seems to be getting it right and it just keeps giving me another bite
Piece by piece my heart falls into the black hole that is failure. Because it isn’t love that’s failing me, it’s the ability
To move on
I can’t stop thinking about the way his blue eyes glistened when he told me he was sorry
Sorry for what? You didn’t do this to yourself!
Am I supposed to yell at god for what seems like a sin? Correct him and set him on his feet because he is slowly
But surely stealing the one thing in this world that made me want to stay.
Now it isn’t my insides that feel warm but the outsides of my cheeks, streaked with the clear liquid of pain.
Because pain seemed to be on my side and love looked at me as if I was blind
Do I not deserve to have that high? To feel like I could just…
Fly
But eventually all of the birds in the sky… have their wings… die
And what’s a life of pecking on the ground; you eventually are broken from that beautiful sound…
And your energy is so depleted that laughing and pretending like everything was okay, putting up that masquerade mask of happiness, didn’t seem so completed anymore
He says he loves me, and I just know that it’s going to repeat
Repeat
Repeat
And my heart feels warm… or is this the calm before the storm?
I’m still losing that person that held me high, and stole my pain
And I can’t help by feeling vain
That I couldn’t take it away from him.
And I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that he’s gone, to listen to my mother when she says that I’m fifteen, I have a life ahead of me.
But no I scream
It hurts worse when you’re young…because you don’t have bills to distract you from the menacing monsters under your bed…
You just have yourself