If he’d only notice me. But instead I’m instantly labeled too much. I am promised a pretty face and to be just the ‘friend’.
Can he not see my heart? Can he not feel my heart beating, beating, beating beneath my chest? Can’t I be loved too? Can I look much more than just ‘nice’- can’t I be beautiful too?
But this is society. Love and beauty is too much to ask for a fat girl. So I keep my face expressionless- I’ve been let down before.
Society says to hate me- but why can’t I love me? “I love me,” I say to my reflection. It says “You’re a lost liar,” right back. I’m stuck in the middle. A lost soul pretending to be found, a lost girl pretending to see the light.
She only sees the light on good days. Good days- there have been many.
Coming up from those voices cutting at you like a knife, pushing away from those hands that grasp your throat telling you to never breathe. Telling yourself to put those pills down because you’ve made it past those demons.
But still you sink while others think you’re afloat, you’ve made it- you’re here darling.
But love still seems so far-fetched and the lump in your throat you get when you see him…. Oh look at you.. It’s just a friend you’ll only ever admire.
Love yourself baby, so nobody else has to,
Love is too far gone.. you’re not the type.
You’re too fat, too skinny, too quiet, too loud, too invisible
Society says so..
But society I’ll give you a big F you.
Society always wins though… isn’t that true?