It’s the trepidation
I cannot escape
the ever-present throbbing reminder
that it might have all been
for naught

Because in the end
no elucidations
exonerations
or falsifications
matter

In the end, I’m left
uncovered
stripped of all my logical reasoning
forced to face the fact
and admit the reality

Failure
it’s such an unequivocal word
it offers no apologies
it supplies no do-overs
it simply brands you
All my efforts
dissipate into the atmosphere with my aspirations
they have no place anymore
their existence was utterly dependent
on my success

The arduous hours
satiated with mental and emotional strain
will never be requited
they are forever lost
forever wasted

My heart feels like a block of lead
I tried
I tried immensely
and yet
I still failed

The gravity of the situation
is so disheartening
that I wish I could trick
myself into believing
there’s been a mistake


But, alas, the solitary error is my own
I wasn’t sufficient
my optimum efforts
didn’t make the cut
I failed

What was I now?
once upon a time
my accolades defined my person
has this deplorable turn of events
created my new identity?

Was I now and forever deemed,
A Failure?