“We’re moving to America, and it’s going to be incredible”,
I announced to my friends, as we sat and the playground swings,
in scorching heat, boasting to one another about our future plans,
eyes wide, green with envy, hands crossed; the other girls sighed.

Because moving to America would make my life perfect
and although I knew little, I knew enough
to know that I would love it.

I imagined flashing lights, fancy restaurants, gorgeous schools
I imagined exotic friends, brand name clothes, water parks
I imagined luxury, living in a castle like a princess
I imagined happiness, love, joy, perfection

I moved.
It was a blistering day, so hot that I remember the sweat
that dripped down my forehead, onto the floors
that in a day I would no longer call home

Stuffed animals in the neon-pink duffel bag,
books and clothes neatly stacked in my oversized suitcase.
Saying goodbye to my grandparents, aunts, uncles,
cousins, friends, neighbors, teachers, and home
was one of the hardest things I ever did.

I was certain it would pay off, as certain as
my my real estate agent dad was,
when he thought he sold that mansion
on the corner of Luxen and Oppenheimer street,
when didn’t.

Sometimes, life doesn’t go as planned,
and sometimes, the things you thought you were sick of,
were the things you loved the most.

The adventures you thought you wanted,
the life you thought you yearned,
the move you bragged about,
the country you imagined,
it is not what you thought.

Six months later and I am in a empty apartment,
that reeks of fresh paint and new rugs and a sad smell that I cannot
quite put my finger around.

I sit in a too-bright classroom where the words stream in,
crumpled up, tossed towards me when I am not looking,
where the other girls laugh at my attempt at ‘eengleesh’,
or so I say it.

I’m in a country where I do not belong,
where my parents work long hours,
and my sister cries herself to sleep,
where I am forced to make friends,
that I do not like,
and speak a language,
that I do not know.

I am looking for my castle,
for my brand name clothes,
for the gorgeous schools,
and the exotic friends, the vacations,
the things I thought would make me happy,
but never did.