Do you know what depression feels like?

It feels as if your mind is on the verge of an explosion, that would finally end the madness you imagine.
But no matter how big of a bomb-squad you have at your side, you will never be able to say your problem has been defused.
It feels like you have every answer to every question ever asked in the entirety of existence,
But it’s simply too far out of reach.
At the end of your finger tips, but when you close your hand, you simply wrap your fingers around nothingness until they’re once again reunited with the familiarness of your palm.
It’s not how much you despise your past, but how much you envy the happiness of others in the present.
The only thought that can wander your mind is the thought that it only gets worse from here.
Down is the only remaining direction to go.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me find the insanity within and hate myself more and more every day.
And from someone who thinks it’s impossible to hate themselves more than they already do, society has some how managed it.
It’s not something that can be explained, It’s not something that you may understand, It’s not something that you might find serious,
But we’ll try our best to tell you, that we’re not just complaining.
We’re not just complaining about why happiness is a commodity that we cannot afford to have.

The smile we hold proudly on our lips, is a bigger fraud than the crooked grin the Joker bares upon his pale painted face. We cannot be the famed hero everyone believes us to be forever. Sooner or later Gotham will fall. And we will crumble along with it.

Do you know what depression feels like?

It’s like watching the thing you want most in your existence, walk away from you, with the knowledge that you’re mind is craving it.
It’s like when someone has told you to simplify the world by removing yourself from the equation, but the only thing dying is your pride. Because sooner or later you have to admit that you cannot carry on alone.
Air keeps seeping into your lungs and sometimes you wish that the flow would just cease.
It’s waking up in the morning and being upset with the world for no reason. Getting out of the bed slowly but surely and starting the day for no reason. Continuing on like nothing is on your mind for no reason.

There is a question that anyone with depression has asked themselves on more than one occasion. The one reoccurring thought that our mind cannot process, will rattle our brains because we cannot come up with a solution to the question. Who would care if I didn’t wake up tomorrow.

Do you know what depression feels like?

It’s knowing that you don’t deserve anyone of the single so called friends you’re told you possess.
Desert them before they desert you, is a motto that we as a race live by, just to give ourselves a false hope, that we won’t be hurt once again.
When will my best ever be good enough for society, or even myself. Because time after time I know I fail, and nobody seems to notice, except myself.

I live and can’t forget, I proceed and regret. And I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life as of yet.
I’ve hid my heart in a safe, because when I was little my mother told me if I wasn’t careful, someone would break it. Who would have ever guessed that someone was me. Reality simply dive bombs the nearest emotion in my mind, whether it be happiness or motivation. The kindness revelation.

Defend for myself you say? How can I defend someone I don’t even know. I’ve been shot down so many times, I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself.

The corner in the darkest closet, behind the dresser, next to the holes in the wall, is the Narnia of my world. An escape from the never ending threats to my happiness.
We are treated as if depression is something that can be remedied by the contents of a first aid kit. His parents held the audacity to tell him to get over it. He cried himself to sleep at night, 10% because of the problems he faced in his life, 90% because of societies reaction to him complaining.
Despite an army of friends that call him an inspiration, he will return home once again, crawl up under the covers, and cuddle himself to sleep simply because he believes that’s how important he is to others.

The biggest problem with depression are the triggers that set us off. From the slightest misplacement of a hair upon our heads, to the complete destruction of our daily plans can cause us to melt faster than an ice cube fast approaching the outer layers of the sun. The breakdown is monumental, sentimental, bigger than Mt. Rushmore.

Life battling depression is like a tightrope. Some of us will fall and fail, while others will never succeed, but only gain practice for the next day’s war. We’re born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Only through our love and friendships may we obtain a momentary illusion to contradict our feeling of loneliness. But suicide is not the answer. If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. Look a littler harder, because the biggest crime committed in the process of suicide, is not killing one’s self, but disregarding the feelings of the people you leave behind.