She wanted to know.
She knew I was hiding something
Don’t know how the topic turned to this but
I said no, it’s nothing.
But she didn't believe me
She was convinced there was someone I was somewhat attracted to
even if just a little
even if barely anything at all
She called it a “dot”
I said no again.
Still doesn't believe me
She assured me I could trust her
I know I could
and I really do
But…
This isn't about trust
It just doesn't feel right
She also assured me she won’t make a big deal out of it
After all it’s not an actual crush right?
I know that too
I know she won’t say much about it
As I said before, I trust her
Still…
I’m hesitating
Because, you know
Dots are meant to be unnoticed
to fade away
If i were to say it
then it’ll feel more
official
And I don’t want it that way.
……
Who do I think I’m kidding?
The truth is, I don’t have any “dots”
At least not any worth keeping a huge secret for
I do have someone I care for
more than a dot
more than a simple crush
But the name is sealed beneath my lips
for many reasons
I even deny it to myself most times
No one knows who that person might be
Not now, not then, not ever
So it is safer,
for me to pretend and her to believe
that I have a simple, meaningless dot
which I’m just too shy and embarrassed to tell

And nothing else.