OCD
Do you know what it's like to feel different?
At eight years old,
I am diagnosed with OCD.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Young and confused, I have no idea what it means.
Soon, I figure out it means many trips to the therapist where I talk about
My thoughts, guilts, and anxieties.
The trips consist of games to lighten the mood,
But they don't hide enough.
My brain doesn't work like everyone else's.
It's hacked.
Wired differently.
It's messed up.

OCD means you have to step with one foot on each individual floor tile.
OCD means you see germs invading your skin,
Seeping into your bloodstream.
OCD means when you walk down the hall,
You have to tap, tap, tap your pencil on every single locker.
OCD means when you watch the news,
You become afraid that what is on it will happen to you,
That a murderer will sneak into your house
And snatch you away.

But as I get older, I realize it is much more than a little piece of my life.
It is more than just a few little clouds in the sky.
OCD is a thunderstorm
Where the sky is filled with the darkest clouds you’ve ever seen.
And when you do your homework,
You spend 3 hours a night on one essay
To get everything just right
When you have anxiety attacks,
Your head is a railroad track with trains coming from both directions.
And your thoughts are like lights you can't turn off,
But you are aching to sleep.
OCD is a 500 pound weight sitting on top of your head
That you can't remove.

Do you know what it's like to feel different?
OCD means you cry about the smallest things,
And people make fun of you for being sensitive.
They say to you, "You're so OCD",
But they don't understand.
Your parents say, "I wish I could help",
Burdening you with their hopelessness,
As you feel like you are standing and
Shivering in cold, pouring rain without an umbrella.
You work so hard to treat your OCD
And it feels like a lost cause.

But now, as more time has passed,
Things are getting better.
I have learned more
And know how to deal with it.
Not everything is perfect,
But I am getting stronger.
I am getting rewarded
For my work,
And I realize that after all the rainstorms pass,
The sun always comes back out.
And maybe it's okay to be different.