I open my eyes.
The dim yellow light from my closet creates a blurry streak
And my face, like newly spewed lava melts with agony
I notice every strand of hair
My body weighs and sinks in the mattress below me
I close my eyes.
I see fuzz, like on the signed off TVs
And my stomach, it tightens, I can’t be more empty
I breathe as if I’ve been underwater
The pillow I lay on is as damp as the sea
I open my eyes.
The stars around me are so identical like drones
And the sound in my ears, a faint, distant hum
I shiver, but I'm no longer cold
This might be the worst fear I’ve ever known
I close my eyes.
It doesn’t matter if my eyes are open or closed. You’re not coming home.