Not a solitude of peace
But a solitude where people get me

A solitude in having a friend
Just a peace to hold within

No snotty replies
No judgmental looks
Who wants a black cloud
Over their head

I’ve carried bricks on my shoulders
Held down with chairs
Restrained by lock and key

An unwanted feeling
That anchors my heart

These feelings
Hold me back

And deceive me not to fight

I am a loser
In a game where I have no potential
To hold a trophy

I know I should hold my shield

Putting it down
I take blows

Putting it up
I miss more than one opportunity

I will pour out my spirit, unwillingly
If I surrender my shield

But if I hold it up to fight though

I’ll lose a game I’m losing anyway

I can’t win

Where I stand

An infantry can’t win
Without relocating
After they’ve been discovered

I’ve ran away
I’ve hid my face
I’ve covered my identity

I’ve held all the cards
I’ve played every position

And I stood once where my
happiness

existed
I’ve knocked on doors

Built bridges

And crawled through fences

To reach that almost nonexistent land

I’m bleeding from travel

And worn from battle

And I see the exit to enter

my destination

My hands are reaching out

My destination is closing

I’m running out of oxygen

Drowning is my next step

But I don’t wish to take that

next step

I’ll skip it

Take it out


They never say what happens

after you drown

Death is obvious but I

believe in more

Not water

But symbolic drowning

What is the seed of me

Wait to see me bloom

We might all be captivated

After I have been the bug under your microscope

You think you know me

You have no idea

How can you know me

You have no idea

How can you know me

When you don’t take the time to ask

When you jump to judge

If you spent the time you spend judging me, on things in life that matter
Maybe I could find solitude
And anchor myself to peace

I’m not so different after all

I will one day use my key
to unlock my chains

Shed a layer of dreadful years

And reveal who I am