I know i'm mean;
I insult you,
I laugh at you,
I glare and roll my eyes at you,
all of the works.

But it's only because you have to have flaws;
no one should be as perfect as you.
When you smile I only see how wonderfully radiant you are and how much I want to touch that smiling mouth with mine,
but I point out how badly you need braces.
When you laugh, the sound calms me like the sweetest melody and the perfect harmony,
but I tell you to stop anyways.
When you speak in your native tounge, I savor the words so wonderfully foreign that I can't help but wonder why you make something so confusing worth it,
but I try to correct you on your grammar as you speak.

(Is this why you'll never love me?)

I guess you could say that i'm a bully,
but it's only because i'm slowly crossing the line from
'aquaintanceship',
to this dark hole we call
'friendship'.
And in this place,
right is left
and left is right
and it's so easy to get lost.
I'm scared of what happens not when-
no, if
we start liking eachother mutually
but what happens when you hold my hand
and hug me
and I'm forced to make the decision of letting you get to know me
who I really am-
what kinds of coffee I like,
my favorite books,
what keeps me awake at 2 am,
the part of 'Marly and Me' when i start to cry,
how I like my sweaters to fit,
my fears and my hopes,
my pick-me-ups and let-me-downs,
just /me/.

And I'm scared of what happens not when you see how broken I am,
but what happens when you decide what to do with the pieces.

Not of what happens when I tell you my secrets,
but if you decide to tell the world what they were never meant to know.

Not of what happens when we finally say those three words,
but of what happens when love can't even begin to describe what we feel for each other.

(I'm scared that once you figure me out
you'll still love me.)

So I'm sorry if you hate me,
but shielding myself with a thick wall of insults and 'stop that's and 'calm down's
is the only way
I can keep what's left of my sanity intact.

(You know what's the funny part about all of this?
You don't even care.)