was living a life of hopelessness,
Walking on the edge of a cliff,
Struggling against the will to jump.
Every day brought hardships.
Every word "mom" said brought pain.
I was falling deeper into the darkness.
My thoughts were beginning to crowd my mind,
Convincing me there was no way,
To make it through this hell.
So desperate was I,
To end my suffering and sorrow.
So far lost in my self-pity was I,
That I was blinded.
I saw no way through.
I saw no light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw nothing at all.
So close was I,
To escaping the woman,
Who tore my life apart.
So close was I,
To saying goodbye.
Months passed,
Bringing no hope each time.
Nothing got better.
I couldn't sleep.
I couldn't eat.
I couldn't breathe.
School meant nothing to me.
Friends meant nothing to me.
Everything once important,
I no longer cared for.
Existing was agonizing,
I just wanted to end it all.
I turned against myself.
I was filled with self-hate.
My pain not only left marks on my soul,
It left marks on my body.
Each of a different day,
But each of the same reason.
The nighttime was the worst.
The past came to haunt me,
Refusing to let me rest.
It forever burned into my mind,
My shameful actions,
And my mother's hurtful words.
It never let me forget,
The things she said and did,
And the things I had said and done...
It knew I was far from innocent.
I prayed to a god I didn't believe in,
For my life to be taken from me every night.
I prayed I wouldn't wake up the next day,
Because I was too afraid to be the one..
The one to take away my own life.
My weakness angered me.
Why couldn't I bring myself to do it?
I wanted to die,
I knew I did.
Yet, I just couldn't do it.
It was impossible to comprehend
Why I was so hesitant to kill myself.
Until one day,
I finally understood why.
I finally realized
I had hope inside all along.
It had just been buried,
Deep beneath my pain.
Unable to be noticed.
Until you uncovered it.
With a smile so sincere,
And eyes so captivating,
You uncovered the hope I thought I had lost.
Each time we passed one another,
Each time you smiled and said hello,
Life became more bearable,
And my hope for happiness grew stronger.
You came into my life,
For reasons I know I will never understand.
But why question any of that?
What does it matter why you appeared?
What matters is the hope you gave me,
The peace and comfort you brought into my life.
I felt like I could finally breathe.
I no longer dreaded the future,
No longer dwelled on the past.
You gave me reason to wake up,
To look forward to the next day.
You taught me how to appreciate life,
To cherish it and enjoy it.
I began to think more positively.
I stopped hurting myself.
Before you entered my life,
And my heart,
I had never felt so happy.
I felt a change coming,
A change that would allow me
To live life to the fullest,
Without my pain and thoughts holding me back.
Although it will take years
For me to fully love myself,
And to let go of the past,
At least I know those years won't be as difficult,
So long as you'll be beside me.
Every day I will spend with you,
Shall be a day I will never take for granted.
You uncovered the part of me,
That held me back from jumping,
And you made me realize:
It wasn't my weakness causing me to hesitate,
It was the strength inside of me,
So small, so hidden,
Just waiting to be found.
You brought out my hope and strength,
That I was too blind to notice on my own.